


Operation Zombie

by wall_eyed_fish



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Covert Operation, Emma is not a morning person, F/F, Fluff, Operation Zombie, Regina tries to change that, Swan-Mills Family, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:49:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wall_eyed_fish/pseuds/wall_eyed_fish
Summary: Regina had conquered countless kingdoms. She had braved the impossible and survived years in the company of the Enchanted Forest’s most dangerous individuals. She had killed her own father, her husband and multiple nameless subjects who had the misfortune to be in the wrong place. She had even (mostly) succeeded in wreaking revenge on her sworn enemy.So why could she not wake Emma up?





	1. Chapter 1

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Let this be a record of the constant struggles to rouse my wife, aided by our son Henry_.

“Mom, this doesn’t have to be so formal!” Henry complained.

Regina laughed, “Oh Henry, I know, but imagine your mother’s face when she reads this!”

\--

_It has reached a breaking point. We can no longer live this way. Drastic measures must be taken before there are fatal consequences. We have named the plan-_ Regina looked at Henry, who nodded and said, “Operation Zombie”- _Operation Zombie. We can only hope we can succeed. Emma must learn how to wake up on time._

_\--_

Henry laughed at Regina’s writing. Waking Emma up was a mammoth task- one that was not possible until at least ten o’clock in the morning. It had been funny at first, but to be honest, it was now irritating for both mother and son. At last, it seemed they had hope.

\--

_Day 1:_

_Dear Diary,_

_After a long conversation, Henry and I came up with methods of waking Emma, each more extreme than the one before. We are confident that our plan will prevail and our final step will not be needed. Today we try Stage One. I am off to try Stage One now: Simple Prodding and Poking._

_\--_

Regina turned to Henry. “Is that everything for now, do you think?”

Henry read Regina’s words again, considering what she’d written. He was very excited for the Operation to commence. It had been over two years since his last operation, Operation “Swan-Queen” which had been, of course, a resounding success. 

“I just hope that you don’t make me do any of these, Mom.” Henry said.

Regina laughed. “No no, my love, I love you too much to make you an accomplice in triggering your mother’s ire.” 

“Good luck Mom!” Henry hugged Regina tightly.

 Regina hugged him back. She loved indulging Henry in his ‘Operations’, especially when Emma was the subject. It reminded her of the days when it had just been the two of them-, she adored Emma more than life itself but sometimes it was nice to be reminded of the bond she and Henry shared.  

 --

_Dear Diary._

_Step One did not go well at all. We forgot to consider that Ma could still do magic even when half-asleep. To make it worse, we didn’t know that Ma was reeaallly ticklish._

_Mom is currently on the couch with a black eye and blue hair. Ma is sulking in the kitchen because she feels awful about the whole thing. Basically, Mom scared her, and Ma accidentally managed to conjure a magic paint-ball type thing and sent it straight at Mom’s head. So… Now we’re stuck inside today because Mom thinks it’s “embarrassing for someone with my status to be wandering around town with blue hair” (her words, not mine)._

_Anyway, we’re gonna try Step Two tomorrow… Or just maybe once Mom’s hair has changed back. I think she can only handle so much._


	2. Sitting Duck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stage Two commences.

**\--**

_Day 2:_

_Dear Diary,_

_My hair is almost back to normal now. It’s gone a very deep, very subtle purple and- I won’t tell Emma this- I may actually keep it this way. She felt terrible about the whole thing of course, and now I have a wonderful source of blackmail material when I need it._

_After yesterday’s debacle, we were discouraged but have resolved to not lose faith. Today we are taking certain precautions against Emma’s magic. I have spoken to Belle and we have agreed that a magical shield is best. My dark magic should repel her white-_

_\--_

“Mom!”

“What?”

“You’re being boring.”

“No! I think it’s very important for posterity that we-”

“ _Mom.”_

"Henry."

_"Mom!"_

“It’s a little boring isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

_\--_

_We have named Stage Two: Water Drops._

_\--_

“Mom.”

“What _now,_ Henry?”

“Don’t you think ‘Water Drops’ is boring too?”

“Well what would you call it then?”

“What about something like ‘Sitting Duck’?”

“Henry that’s a terrible name.”

"Okay first of all, that's rude. And second, it’s still better than yours.” Henry stuck out his tongue.

Regina sighed. “Very well. Stage Sitting Duck it is.”

_\--_

_We have named Stage Two: ~~Water Drops~~. Sitting Duck. It's rather what I feel like right now actually. My eye is still throbbing. Magic only goes so far. _

_\--_

Regina looked at Henry. “If this one doesn’t go well, call Belle please. She’ll be able to help me come up with any counter-curses if they’re necessary.”

With that, she took a deep breath and walked upstairs to where Emma lay.

 

_\--_

_Dear Diary,_

_My moms are still upstairs. It’s been half an hour. What are they doing?_

_\--_

Regina slowly walked downstairs. “Henry. I think we’re going to have to change our plans slightly. Please call Belle.”

Henry raised his eyebrows.

“Now Henry!”

_\--_

_Dear Diary,_

_There is actually a reason why it took so long for Mom to come back._ _Remember when I said my mom was being boring for talking about magic? We probably should have thought about that a little more carefully. When she was talking about Emma’s white magic being repelled, she didn’t exactly realise what that meant. It was all going swimmingly (sorry, bad pun) but then Ma didn’t wake up to the little flicks of water. Mom tried pouring the whole glass of water on her head, then another, and then finally she actually summoned water from the river and sprayed Ma with it. That did actually wake her up but like yesterday, Ma attempted to do her magic, and it hit Mom’s shield (it worked!). It repelled itself straight back at Ma. Long story short, she turned herself into a goldfish._

_Yep, you read that right._

_A goldfish._

_My mom is a goldfish._

_I’m **shore** she didn’t see that one coming. (Get it? Shore? Mom doesn’t appreciate my puns.)_

_\--_

_Update: Ma is fine. Because she wasn’t really awake when she cast the spell, it wore off not too long after. She actually took it rather well considering that she was a fish for two hours. Unfortunately, she didn't appreciate my puns either. I hope this doesn’t put Mom off from continuing to try to wake Ma up. I really like having full-family breakfasts._

_\--_

_Further Update: Mom lasted about a week of not waking Ma up before it got on her nerves again. Operation Zombie is a-go!_

_Muahahaha_


	3. There Goes the Alarm

_Day 3:_

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Stage Three commences! We have had a short break from our- so far futile- attempts at rousing my wife. She did not enjoy being a fish at all. I think it serves her right for my blue hair. Leroy has had great fun teasing Emma about the whole debacle. Even Miss Lucas has joined in. I believe the latest nickname they have come up with is ‘Sheriff Squid’ which ~~Henry and~~ I enjoy using at any chance ~~we~~ I get. In ~~my~~ our defence, it is entirely her fault. _

 --

“Henry? Why did you cross out ‘Henry and I?” 

Henry looked at Regina innocently, “When Ma finds out about this, I definitely don’t want her to be mad at me too! I like being on her good side.”

Regina laughed loudly, “Fair enough, my prince. Fair enough.” She ruffled his hair.

“Hey!”

\-- 

_We have taken our previous failures in stride and have learned from them. My shield was obviously not adequate so instead I will not be in the room to wake Emma up this time. I will also erect a shield around our bedroom that should contain any rogue magic. Last night, I removed any irreplaceable objects from the room as well. Just in case._

_Today we have decided to try something that, in hindsight, we ought to have started with. We will implement a series of alarms, each subsequent alarm louder and more irritating than the last._ _Thus, this stage has been dubbed, with Henry’s approval, ‘There goes the Alarm’. He insists it’s ‘cool’. I believe it’s a title of a song._

_Henry is betting on which alarm will be the one to finally wake Emma up. He thinks it will be the tenth. I think it will not be until the fifteenth at least. To be sure, we have twenty different alarms. They will go off every ten minutes and last for a period of exactly two._

_\--_

“Do you think we should list the alarms for the diary? Or is that too boring for you?” Regina teased.

“Actually Mom, that’s not such a bad idea,” Henry said.

\--

_The first alarm is a simple beeping noise. Then:_

  1. _Sheep baa’ing_
  2. _Car brakes_
  3. _Gold laughing_



_The middle ones continue in the same vein until:_

  1. _Heavy metal_
  2. _Neal crying_
  3. _High pitched screaming (Sorry Emma!)_



_We dearly hope that it will not come to the last one. It was purely as a last resort._

  1. _Regina singing._



_Emma, we realise what we are inflicting on you and truly apologise. This could have been avoided if you’d just wake up on time. Just saying._

_I love you (I promise),_

_Regina_

_And Henry!_

_\--_

Contrary to popular belief, Regina was a terrible singer. Queen-Practically-Perfect-In-Every-Way-Stick-In-The-Mud could not sing for her life. It was something she was painfully aware of, and she considered it a personal tragedy because Regina actually adored singing but could only do it when she was alone in the house. The first time Emma had heard Regina singing, she had been practically crying with laughter because finally, _finally,_ there was something Emma could do that Regina couldn’t.

To convince Regina to record herself singing had been no mean feat for Henry. Regina was beyond embarrassed at anyone hearing her sing so she had to have been desperate to wake Emma up to consent to having her voice recorded.

\--

_Dear Diary,_

_Surprisingly, this was more of a success than we thought it would be. There were, however, a few Good things and some Bad things that arose from our Alarm method._

_ Good: _

_Emma woke up._

_Emma did not become a goldfish._

_I did not end up with multi-coloured hair._

 

_ Bad: _

_There are three alarm clocks embedded in our wall._

_There is also an alarm clock in the garden that went through our window._

_Said alarm clock is refusing to stop blasting heavy metal. I think our_ _neighbours hate us even more than they already did (if that were possible)._

_Emma is not talking to me. I believe my singing traumatised her._

_Therefore, although Emma did wake up from the alarm, we have elected to try the next method. I like having my wife talking to me. Work today was very boring because of it. Not even calling her ‘Miss Swan’ elicited a response. I’m sure I will make it up to her tonight._

_\--_

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh nothing. It just means that your mother and I will be… talking tonight.”

Henry pouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please review and critique! I'm always looking for advice to improve my writing skills!


End file.
